Tuesday, October 24, 2017

The Guy From My Past

I wish I knew his name.

He's awful. Maybe he's changed over the course of 10 years. I kind of doubt it though. Someone like that doesn't change.

I've been decluttering. Like legit style. That's a totally a lie. I'm only sometimes-decluttering-mostly-reorganizing-chaos. However, I found some 3 X 5 cards we had our prospective girls fill out for cheer tryouts. I went through each of them reminiscing on the days when I interacted with most of the people whose names were on the cards. I stalked investigated a couple of them on Facebook and almost hit Add Friend but then thought that 10 years might be a little too long and it might seem super creepy and stalkerish to all of a sudden add them. A few of them I still connect with on social media. I sure love them! It's been such a joy to watch them grow. Most of them are married now. Some have kids. I feel like a mama hen.

One in particular stood out. I remember when she tried out. She was a senior at the time. She was busy and had a lot going on. She wasn't the best but we wanted her to be on a team. We selected her for Junior Varsity.

I remember the phone call from her mom. She yelled and screamed at me. I couldn't speak with her through my tears so I hung up. My boss called a meeting with me and the other coaches and the parents of this girl. The dad. The dad with his earring. We sat facing each other from across the room. We all sat at desks. Him and his wife on one side of the room, our boss and us (the other coaches) on the other.

He verbally assaulted us. He told me and the coaches that we should go back to "Bimboville". Classy guy right? Then, as we were walking out he said to me, "You can take your fat ass back to Bimboville." He likes that place I think. I wonder if that's where he lives now.

I've been doing a lot of work surrounding food and diets and my weight and all of that stuff. Remembering/rereading about this cheer experience took me back to the beginning days of my struggle with the diet-binge cycle. It began in those months. The months of so many traumatic life events which I won't detail in this post. As I took myself back to that year, so many seemingly-minute and intensely life-altering things happened which I have not thoughts about in awhile. Like this run in with this terrible human. There were the losses of friendships, a birth, a move across the country, another pregnancy, marriage issues and more. And it was around this time that I started to gain weight and thus begin my journey into The Cycle. It's one you're probably familiar with. The one that starts with a diet, moves to weight loss, and ends with hanger and a binge only to begin once again. It takes a lot of forms. Paleo, Veganism (for diet and not ethical reasons), Weight Watchers, Whole 30, and more. I've done all of those folks and all of the ones in between.

What I'm doing now is throwing it all out the mutha effin window! And I'm throwing that guy out of the window of my head. Even though that's a super weird analogy (metaphor?), it still feels right. And this all feels SO good.




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