Monday, November 23, 2015

The Guilt Monster

I haven't been quiet about my mental illness but I also haven't been really loud about it either. It still has this stigma attached to it especially in the military and LDS cultures. I reallllllyyyy want to change it. Have we all memorized the definition? Say it with me, Depression is a neurobiological disorder. It's not caused by anything I have done wrong, or something I did or didn't do. It just is. The cause be brain chemistry, hormones, biological differences and/or inherited traits (see the Mayo clinics definition here).

Anyway, one of the recurring themes in therapy for me was guilt. Not surprising right? My Dr. had me give my guilt a name, well not a name, but an appearance. So I know what my guilt looks like. This is part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. My guilt is an ugly looking guy (male of course. jk) and he has been rearing his head a lot lately. BUT! I'm telling him to go away in the form of this post. Because,

I am doing just fine.

My guilt monster tried to tell me that it was my fault the heart charms didn't come in in time for Super Saturday. Really guilt? Not happening. I'm blaming the USPS. Jk. I love the USPS (I'm putting out good energy here).

My guilt monster tries to tell me some days that I am a bad mother. No way!

My guilt monster thinks that I have to do certain things or else no one will love me. Pshhhhh. Not happening.

I told him to go away a lot this past week but it was particularly easy to do when I was reading Ephesians for Sunday School. This is in Chapter 3.
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
 17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
 18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
 19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
I'm not one who generally does the whole spiritual sharing thoughts thing but this week there were a couple of things that could not have happened through human beings and I was grateful to be reminded of that especially when it benefited me in the ways that it has.

Anyway, back to guilt monster. My friend recommended this book with the same ideas as the monster but instead it's a gremlin. Have you read it? If so, tell me about it!



What would your monster/gremlin be? 

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