Monday, October 21, 2013

Dumbest Day Of My Life

Don't worry. Its 12 a.m. and I just got home. I brought Nevie in who was sleeping and then woke up promptly when I tried to put her in her crib. Then came Sadie who went down fine. Then there was Jackson in the backseat of the van. I had to wake him up.  I couldn't carry him. He didn't want to wake up.

This is all on the day of David leaving for stupid BOLC. Training.  In Fort Huachuca. I suppose it could be worse, he could be out of state. But that's not the point. The point is that I cannot do this again. Its too fuggin hard. I mean, for realz? I'm already sooooooooooooooooo over this.

I want to put a CLOSED sign on my house and my brain and my body. The demands are too high right now.

I couldn't do anything but cry when David told me he is at a hotel off post because the ones on post are full. He said its not luxury but just great for his standards. All I see and hear in my mind are the words hotel, sleep, no kids, sleep, bed to oneself, quiet, sleep peace, laptop, tv, alone, sleep. I'd give my right boob to have a hotel room. Of my own.

I know what you are thinking and I don't need you to tell me. So don't. I can already hear the words my mom would say, "he's doing this all for you. Hes perfect." I know that. Okay? I get it. But that doesn't make it easy. In fact last night my mom said that he is good and I am evil and we compliment each other. Can you tell how good I'm feeling about myself? 

I tried to make it a successful day by hanging out with friends and doing fun things all my kids did was complain. I'm tired of it. Sooooopeer over it.

Don't forget i just had major dental work.done and my mouth hurts like a mo fo.

I'm writing this all down because its hard. And when I learn the lesson I'm supposed to from this,  I want something to look back on and laugh at. But for now, ill keep crying. 

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