Monday, June 11, 2012

Will the Sleep Ever Come Easy?

I'm in the ER for the 790th time this year. This time for some pain that I identified as kidney pain and they wrote down as "flank pain". Like I don't know what flank is. It's a steak duh! But really, I took anatomy people. And I know my body.

So anyway, I talked to the doctor and he thinks its a kidney stone. I just got a CT scan and it was fancy. I felt like I was on Greys Anatomy. And I love that my autocorrect has Greys already capitalized. It probably comes from my arguing conversations with Jaime on which is better: Greys or Scrubs? Vote wisely.

I'd like to take this time to formally apologize to all of my peeps who I hung out with in the past couple of days. I'm sure I was terrible company. I think I remember saying "I wanna die" over 300 times. Another popular phrase was, "My body hurts" and "My kidneys hurt". Sorry friends. It really did hurt. And then this one time I was all hanging out with Asian and Picsag and I went pee and there was blood. Then I knew it was serious. You know?

Okay so right after the above writing, I got some results. Well not RIGHT after cause that would be utterly amazing. To have a quick ER experience. I'm not complaining though. Mine was rather pleasant. I'm not sure if it was the morphine or the nice nurse I had. He was a good person. Again, maybe because he gave me morphine.

I got to be in an isolation room because they didn't have any rooms available otherwise. I was back in the corner without a TV and it was kind of awesome. They apologized for not having a TV for me.  I was VERY okay with it. I had a book. And morphine. Don't forget the morphine people! lol.

That awkward moment when: You have to get naked and you forgot to prepare. If you know what I mean. This time it was my feet. They were totally sick looking. Like black and cracked. I told my nurse not to look. He said he wouldn't cause if he did, then he might have to keep me there for dirty feet. lol.

Then the doctor came in and shook my hand. He basically said I am awesome for dealing with so much pain. Well not in those words. But he was impressed with me considering the fact that I have multiple kidney stones in both kidneys! He thought that maybe I had just passed a stone or that one was on its way out because there wasn't much blood in my urine but that both of my ureters (the tubes that carry pee to your bladder) were dilated.

Then! Get this. He said that the biggest stone your body can pass on its own can be up to 6 mm in size. Well, I have one that is 11mm! I will make an appointment with a specialist and they will decide whether I have to have it surgically removed or whether they can remove it with shock wave therapy. So basically I am fancy.

The doctor probably thought I was crazy because I got totally excited when he came in with the results. I have been dealing with this pain for over 3 years. Ask David! He is probably more grateful for the results than I am. Hey, I have to complain to someone! We've analyzed over and over what it could be. Was it meat? Soda? stress? sugar? But nothing ever fit!  Omg. This is such great news!

I have to go strain my pee now. I bet that's exactly what you wanted to know. I'll be looking for those guys below. Gross.



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