Saturday, November 12, 2011

New Series: That Awkward Moment When

You know that awkward moment when:

You meet a friend of your significant other for the first time and its like:

"Hi. I'm Lisa, David's wife." And she says, "Hi. I'm Ima. Ima Skank. You know, the one that loves your husband?" And then you say, "Oh yes. The one he forgets to mention? Ah yes, I know you."

It happened today. Except not quite like that. We were at the Veterans Day parade at Embry-Riddle (which was really cool by the way) and after it got over, David walked over to greet us. His mom and dad were there and so were his brothers and a sister-in-law. And my mom. And me. And our kids. He walks up lookin all hot and stuff and he sees this girl he knows from his Chinese class. It was clearly the most awkward moment ever for her. She was so caught off guard at the sight of her knight in shining armor (or army greens) that she weirdly stuck her arms out for a hug or something but then maybe realized that he wasn't coming for her? Or something. I'm not sure how that all worked out but it was fuuuuunnnnny to watch. I stood there, being the seething wife. Crossing my arms over my chest. Glaring. Ah, not really! I was smiling the whole time. I was thinking, "what up beeyotch? That my may-un" (gangsta style). I coulda taken her down with a simple chest bump. But I actually felt bad.

It gets better though. I know right? We went to Texas Roadhouse (The Texas Whorehouse) for the free food and so I could judge all the skinny chubis and we saw her there. With her boyfriend? Okay, so I know what you're thinking. 'She doesn't love him if she has a boyfriend' right? Well wrong. I know of/have seen/have met (been?) many a woman who has gone after meat that's off-the-market. I love referring to men and inanimate objects because they do it to us all the time. It's only fair right? Anyway, so we see them. And she's all, "We should all sit together." And I was like "Yeah, we totally should. In fact, you should sit next to him so you can touch his inner thigh under the table." Unfortunately, Sitting together didn't work out. So sad.

Sometimes I forget that my husband is that guy. The popular kid in school. The One Who Everyone Loves. He humbly claims it's not true and then I remind him that I'm not an idiot. And although school was awhile ago, it wasn't THAT long ago. I remember how those rules work. It's okay, I won.

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