Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Place I'm In

It's hard to be happy for someone when I can't be happy with myself. I've been on sabbatical. I'm behind on reading (and writing) blogs because I don't want to read about people and their awesomeness. It's selfish I know.

Why do we all pretend everything is okay when it's not?

David and I are finishing up Season 6 of Lost (the tv show). They throw Desmond into a well. It's not deep so that any one who peers over the edge can see him. He can't get out though.

Thats how I feel.

I realize that I am experiencing some anxiety/depression with the new changes in my life (staying home, working less). I also realize that what I am feeling is what I feel when I am depressed. It's hard to explain when you haven't experienced it yourself. They are feelings of doom, and sadness, and tiredness.

It's like I'm 2 different people. Not crazy-style multiple personalities type, but there is depression-me and then there is me me. I don't know if I need more medication or if I just need to snap out of it and I think that's where my problem is.

For Christmas I got a gym membership. But guess what? I don't have it! It was implied that I didn't get anything for Christmas because that's what I wanted. Well, it's January 18th and its still not here. I blame circumstances, and my husband. It was his job! (He knows that by the way). Also, why am I the only one that ever mentions even slight irritation towards my husband? Weird.

Well, I think I'll go now. I'm probably gonna mope. Or watch TV. Or play trains with the kids.

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