Monday, January 5, 2009

Her Surreal Life: The Hospital

I can't tell you how ghetto a certain hospital is that I went to visit. It's beyond words. My whole experience was surreal for real. Lol. I like that. surreal for real.

First of all, I arrived through the emergency room which was guarded by two gigantic security men. It was a good time.

A certain sister is a patient there and while visiting I encountered some interesting people. In the waiting room, I was greeted by a crazy drunk lady who was in the process of being thrown out. She had a lot of words to say as she left. Not many of them were more than four letters.

So then I go back to see my wonderful sister and I get to talk to Mike (cute nurse), Bahzi (an almost doctor, oh yeah, they are called residents), his assistant who didn't speak, and Dr. British. I don't know his name. Anyway, it was a good time. They all were very different people with distinct personalities. Dr British knew everything behind the word "shrapnel" and I got to hear all about it. Another nurse came in. She was from Louisiana and had the accent to prove it. She and Mike fought over who got to take sister up to her next ghetto room. I think it's cause they both thought she was hot.

The next room we get to is "walled" in by curtains. Bahzi and his assistant do some tests on sister and don't do them well. Bahzi hadn't done one since med school. So great. Oh yeah, funniest thing ever happened when Dr. British was checking sister, her phone vibrated. He literally jumped back. It was hidden beneath a blanket and didn't know what had happened. We all cracked up over that for awhile.

We then met:

Matt?: Paper work filler-outer who told us about AMA (against medical assistance) and his job at another hospital that got shut down. He said it was haunted and that we could go sneak in if we wanted to. He likes video games and long walks on the beach. Just kidding, about the long walks on the beach part.

Nurse 3: Has seen numerous gunshot and stab wounds. One in the back.

Percy: Medical Transporter. Older gentlemen who said he could see the similarities between sister and I. Said if he had to choose he wouldn't be able to and that he would take both of us. lol. I told my sister that our similarities must be in our gigantic boob size. Sings nicely.

Nurse 4: Chomped gum loudly. Also works out.

Mr. Ultrasound: Very into survival living. Took me to his secret office to show me pictures of the rocket oven he bought on eBay. Spent over an hour telling us about this.

The other guy: Random nurse?/transporter? that made frequent stops in sisters room to say hello and to switch latex gloves.

I'm not prejudice, I'm just making an observation but more than half the people we dealt with were from another country or had an accent. This is no exaggeration. It was so incredible to me. It was such a ghetto hospital. I feel like I was on set of a scary movie. I'm not kidding you. I think back to this whole experience and it was like a dream. It could be because it was like 3 in the morning... or it could be that that hospital is actually scary.

When I left the building at 4:30ish, I was escorted by another giant in a car, to my car located on the other side of the hospital. First of all, how did I get to the opposite end of the hospital? I'm pretty sure they do that on purpose. I think they keep people there forever, hidden in secret passages, and do it by confusing them directionally. They trap them. ANd secondly, I'm supposed to get in this vehicle with some man I don't know in the middle of crazytown? I guess that's better than risking my life walking to my car.

Okay, this is officially a long post. Los babies are waking up. I must attend to their care. I'll never forget this dream, I mean reality. And I wish my sister luck getting out of there alive. Jk.

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