Sunday, August 3, 2008

First Thing

So even before I put on my makeup I am going to write this blog. If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I tend to write these blogs in my head at night. I wish I had the gumption to get up and write them when they are still fresh. Because this morning, I don't remember exactly what I was going to write, but it was good. I know i need to get it out there too.

For awhile I have talked about renaming all the people I talk about in my blog. Well the first nickname I have come up with is Julius Caesar. Go read about him if you don't know who he is. I'm going to shorten his name to just Caesar. However, if I should choose, I may call him Julius. The he that i am speaking of is someone from my family. That's all you need to know for now.

Our conversation when something like this. (I'm very bad at transcribing or retelling any sort of conversation I have with anyone... it's a bad memory thing). For the last few days he has been very adament the joke that he is a republican.

Caesar: If things continue the way they are, I am for sure voting for John McCain. I'm gonna need those people to flip my burgers. I want them to stay where they are. It's good for me.

A little background on Caesar. He has a very good job with a very good company and makes very good money. And he is proud of it (I would be too).

Caesar: Do you know why you are where you are?
Me: No, why?
Caesar: It's because you aren't willing to work. You're lazy.
Me: What? We have been applying for jobs for forever. We even started applying before we came out here.
Caesar: You aren't qualified.
Me: I have a Bachelors degree. I worked as a cheer coach you know.
Caesar: Did you do it for you, or for your family?
Me: I did it for me. We didn't need the extra income at that time.
Caesar: See.

Caesar has quite a sarcastic sense of humor. I've learned over the years to not take it personally. Of course later on that evening he told me he was joking blah... blah... blah... That's quite the extensive, thought out joke Caesar.

So as I was pondering this last night, I started to miss my old life. The one where no one knew how much money I had, or what I was doing for the day, or my plan for life. The life where it was just David, Jackson and I. We had a house, where we didn't have to weed wack for rent, where I could leave my charger in the living room, and Jacksons toys could be everywhere for me alone to trip on.

Another disclaimer: This is not at all meant to be a poor me thing. It's just feelings.

I talked to David earlier. We both agreed that this is all happening for a reason, or something. We both felt good about this move. There's no turning back. At least not right now.

I'm contracting. I've been having Braxton-Hicks for several weeks now. My mom doesn't think it's normal. I do. I had them with Jackson. Is it not? Is anyone a doctor?

Speaking of doctors, I need to get to one. I missed all those tests for the second trimester. My sister found me a doctor who will do a VBAC (Vaginal birth after C-Section). I would rather die than have another C-Section. Okay, I wouldn't rather die, but I would rather... scoop more diarrhea out of a toilet. Yeah. That's what I did yesterday. My sisters daughter has been super sick with something that causes her to poo blood. I was baby sitting and she finally went poop (diarrhea if you wanna be specific). Because I was the only one home, and she peed with the poo, I had to get it out before the urine was no longer sterile. Oh my goodness. It was a visual I will not soon be able to get out of my mind.

The other disclaimer: When I speak of such experiences with my family, I speak the truth. This does not however mean that I don't love them. I do. They all teach me something.

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