Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Goodbye to You

It's been a long long long day, not to mention a long week. I must say that for the duration of my pregnancy thus far, I have been pretty good about keeping my emotions in tact. Today though, I had a breakdown. I just could not stop crying. I have a reason.

I made a big decision. I am here in AZ for my final visit. I really am. You may chuckle outloud and say "yeah right" but it's true. It's not worth the heartache and tears and dissapointment. I came here prepared for what I knew was going to happen. I knew that several people close to me would not make the effort to see or spend time with me? Selfish? Maybe. Do I care? No.  Yes, I had expectations, which according to Steph, "always leads to letdowns." Seriously though, anyone who travels 2500 miles to see friends and family, and tells them in advance, should be able to expect some type of effort from those they love. Don't you think? I do.

I appreciate the friends of mine who traveled so far to see me. I am grateful. I am also greatful for all the thoughts and things that came my way as well.

As I got to thinking a little more on the subject, somewhere I heard a quote about the word "but". Someone said that when you say "but" in a sentence it cancels out everything you just said before. I've experienced way too many buts for one day. I am so done.

And so I cried. I even told David that if he ever wants to come back here with me, he's gonna have to drag me here. I won't come back willingly. Ever. It's not worth it. Not when I have a family in PA who actually loves me and cares about me and misses me. Thank you to you all. You know who you are.

Now, some of you may think I am referring to you in this blog. Don't get all riled up. It's really only a handful of people that I am "speaking" about in reference to the above mentioned issues. I thought about writing about all the issues with those people in this public blog. But I will make it a private one so I don't hurt anyone's feelings.
If I have been a bad friend lately, I am sorry. I do love you. Amen.

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